Sookie Stackhouse said it best.

When people love each other and then suddenly one of them isn't there anymore, it's the distance that hurts, and the distance is the same no matter who's doing the leaving.

I'm... a bigger idiot...

I need a cave to live in.

I'm an idiot.

Good gravy.

Just when I think things couldn't possibly get more complicated, what do I do?

I add like five more complications on top of everything else.

Oh, Shannon.. When will you learn that the best choice, many times, is to not stick your head out of your shell.

Maybe turtles DO have it all figured out..

Oh well, I feel like everything'll work itself out somehow. And eventually, I'll be happy with it.

Can I be Donatello?

Our Greatest Hits

Meeting you for the second time at Rachel's recital. Where you told me that guys with beards were your weakness.

Your visit to Springfield for New Years.

My first drive to Chicago and the subsequent visit. You showed me around downtown in the freezing snowy wind.

Our ATM adventure, after Definitely Maybe, when my car was in the parking garage and neither of us had cash to get it out.

The St. Louis Zoo.

NOT my Greyhound bus ride to Chicago, but the subsequent road trip back to Springfield.

Our TGI Friday's adventure, driving all over St. Louis, listening to The Police, just cause we were both too stubborn to say "okay fine, let's eat somewhere else."

Our drive up to Peoria, IL, listening to and singing songs the whole way.

Shakespeare in the Park.

Playing Whoonu with Rachthony, Mark, and Betty. "Bookstores?!!"

Rachthony's wedding.

And my personal favorite: Sitting in your grandma-style house in Wentzville, eating macaroni and cheese and watching hours of Game Show Network.

I've got a few minutes before work and I just wanted to throw some of this out there.

I've had a roller coaster last few weeks, alternating between "fine, i'm done, moving onwardly" and "i hate where my life is going, can i please get off the ride now?". But one thing's for sure. She's in my dreams. All of them. She's the only thing my subconscious can think about. Which is weird. I've never had my subconscious so focused on something before.

I'm not saying I'm gonna sit around and whine for all eternity. I'm just saying that most of my sleeping is centered around dreams involving her: being with her, friends talking about her, people telling me what i should do to get her back. I dunno.

Life's taking me somewhere right now. And, no, I'm not going to question God's will, but I'm not sure where I'm headed. I just hope I'm headed back to where I once was.

Meanwhile, work alternates between good and sucky. Money generally rocks, but some of the people who work there kinda get on my nerves. Today we're having a Mock Inspection.. So I guess I have to do everything by the book.. Except that no one exactly trained me, so... lol I'll do the best I can.

Stuff with my friends alternates as well. Last night was fun, though. We played some Munchkin. I dunno when I'll see my friends again, though. I work a lot. Hopefully I can go to Mark's Halloween party. I have the perfect costume idea. Maybe not as awesome as Tony Stark, but still pretty cool.

So, all in all, everything in my life keeps swaying from good to bad and back.. I know I'll survive. I know that THIS is better than how things were a month or so ago.. But, I still think that we could be happy together, if we were ACTUALLY together. I still have hope. I'm just unsure of whether or not she'll grant me that one wish. Just try again.

Remember how much fun we had when we were together? Rock Band, the zoo, hanging with Rachthony.. We could have that again, if you'd just let us.

So, I'm feeling better. I'm in no way 100%, but I do feel like i have made significant progress. I'm comfortable with whatever happens now. Up, down, yes, no. I'm gonna be okay. Which is a very good feeling.

Still kinda weird to think about where I was a month ago versus where I am now.. But, you know, things change.. And if something is meant to happen, then maybe it will. I don't need to push anything. I don't want to.

Anyway, some doors have closed, others have opened, and I'm mostly happy. Which rules.

And now I need to go back to sleep. See ya.