Improvements or How to Get Your Hopes Up

So, some blogs I write and then don't post. Some blogs I write, post, and then move on. Some blogs I write, post, and then post on facebook to try to get other people's opinions. This will probably be either a no post, or a walk away from.

Edit: Ooh! Or Google+! I'll post it there. That way, a smaller portion of people can read it. OR better yet, I'll make a circle of specific people who I'd like to read it. OH MY CRAP I JUST FELL IN LOVE WITH GOOGLE PLUS!

I had a date this week. And it wasn't a nose dive straight into the ground! I met her on an online dating website (lame, I know). I don't know if you know much about online dating in Springfield, MO, but here's how it works. Most of the women on online dating fall into one of three categories: Morbidly obese, clinically insane, or moms.

I'm not shallow by any stretch of the imagination, BUT, I kinda would like to date someone who is less fat than me. Maybe that's rude of me, but I kinda think I'm on the bigger end of the not atrocious spectrum, so if you're a girl and you're bigger than me, you may have some future health issues to worry about.

As for crazy chicks, I've been with a few. But sometimes, it's nice to not have to worry about being stabbed to death or something of that nature. Crazy / hot is different from crazy / ohmygodyoumightkillmeinmysleep.

Moms? I have no problem with. I love kids. I want one! Buuuut, I kinda want one that's actually mine... Don't get me wrong, I'm a HUGE proponent of adoption, because I think abortion is evil and terrible, so I'm not saying that single moms are sinners and evil people and no one should love them. I'm just saying, at this point in my life, it's not for me. So, I tend to shy away from girls with kids.

So anyways, back to my date. I met this girl on an online dating website, and from first glance, I see that she's not overweight, doesn't seem to want to murder all of her exes, and has no kids. So I'm like, hey! I'm game! So we talk for a while, and come to find out she's the daughter of the guy who sits next to me in my Monday night Education class! Whoa! AND, she went to high school with my best friend's wife! WHOA PART DEUX! Small world, am I right?

So anyways, I ask her out on a date, and I drive to Bolivar to pick her up and we go get pizza and see a movie, and things went really well. No hand holding or kissing or anything like that cause, well, I'm apparently really shy when it comes to girls I might want to have a relationship with. And, my previous experiences in courting usually go something like this: Meet girl, spend small amount of time with girl, get pounced on and made out with, begin serious committed relationship. So, rarely have I ever had a real, start from scratch type courting period.

Anyways, so things went well, and I hugged her goodnight, and I drove home, and now I'm all giddy about it. I asked her about date number two, and she's apparently going to let me know when she has another night off..... And, so here I sit, freaking out about when I should text her again, or if I should, or what if she never gets back to me, or yadda yadda yadda. Right? Cause, you know, I'm a teenage boy all over again.

Alright, so on to the other topic I'd like to discuss. Get ready. Are you sitting down? Are you sure? Okay. Here goes.....

I THINK I MIGHT HAVE A JOB!!!!!

Let me clarify. I applied at a different Domino's than the one I worked at in 2009, because my assistant manager from that store now works at this new store. And she rocks my world and basically assured me that if I wanted a job, I'd have one. So I applied there and didn't hear anything from anyone from like a month, other than "oh, I think they hired a couple new drivers already". So I had all but given up. Then, today, lo and behold, I get a call from Bill the manager, asking me to come up tomorrow to fill out some paperwork! And I'm like, okay, he didn't tell me I had the job, but why would be want me to fill out paperwork if there wasn't a job, right?

So, if I get this job..... Then I'll make money (duh).... If I make money..... I can get an apartment.....

I'd like to take this time to direct you to some of my posts from Summer of 2010.... I was struggling with being single. Struggling with being unemployed. and Struggling with living with my parents.

It has been one year since that time, and all three of those issues SEEM (knock on wood. knock on it like you've NEVER knocked on wood in your entire life) to be moving in a solved-wardly direction!

Now, the second part of the title of this blog is kicking in. You may or may not know that I'm prone to putting the cart before the horse at times, and then when the rug is pulled out from under me, collapsing in a heap of my own depression. So, once again, I'm trying desperately NOT to be too excited about these things. But it's tough when it has been so long since I've had something to be this excited about.

Anyways, I think that's about enough of my rambling for now. Hope this has been an entertaining read. If not, thanks for wasting your time on me. :) Till next time.

Nip/Tuck

Alright, so I've been spending my late night hours watching Nip/Tuck on Netflix. If you are unaware, Nip/Tuck was a show on FX from 2003-2010 about these two plastic surgeons, Sean McNamara and Christian Troy. The show reminded me of House at first, with each episode having one or two "Patients" and some underlying "Soap Opera-y" drama between the main characters and their families. But, whereas House is very much about the patient, with a little of the character drama sprinkled in, Nip/Tuck is the opposite, focusing much more on the characters, with some surgeries sprinkled throughout.

Anyways, I instantly fell in love with the show. It had compelling characters, great humor, some outrageous wtf moments, etc. But, I really think what did it for me was Sean's relationships with his wife, Julia, and children, Matt, Annie, and Connor. Sean McNamara is me. I've always been this character. He's the caring, selfless, "go ahead and beat me up, as long as you love me" guy. And my whole life, I've wanted to be Christian. He's the sexy, charismatic, women fall on him even when he's not trying guy.

So, throughout the show, there's all this drama between Sean, his family, and Christian, as well as minor characters and stuff. I just finished watching the series finale, and I'm so depressed I can hardly stand it. I won't ruin it for those of you who choose to watch it later, but bottom line is I was wanting the show to end a certain way, and it literally ended the exact opposite way of how I wanted it to end. So, picture me, feeling like I'm Sean, and my story ends in the exact opposite way of how I wanted it to end. It just sorta makes me feel like "Wow, it's entirely possible for my life to go in the exact opposite way of how I wanted it to go." And, in a lot of ways, it has.

I'm not saying I'm miserable. I'm just not where I'd thought I'd be at 25. But, there's a silver lining or two.

First of all, Nip/Tuck as a show has shown me that my life isn't over. I'm 25 and the characters in this show are 40, 45. I still have 20 years before I'm there, and even then, that's only like half of my whole life. I have all sorts of time left to find the right girl. Have a family. Raise a son. Spoil my grandkids. That makes me feel so much better. 25 is a stepping stone. It's something I have to do to get to 45. And, when I get to 45, if I haven't gotten to where I want to be, hey, I'm only halfway done anyway!

Second, just because Sean, Julia, Christian, and Matt didn't end up where I wanted them to all end up doesn't mean it's the end of the world. Similarly, who's to say that being married to the girl of my dreams with a baby boy in my arms at 25 was the ONLY way for me to be happy? Yeah, that's where I thought I'd be. And I think it would make me happy. But, I'm still in a place where I can enjoy my life and experience those things later. There are more ways than one for my life to go so that I can be happy. I just need to keep on truckin until I find one.

So bottom line, I personally thought the show was great overall. I loved the drama and the humor (and the acting!!!!!!!!!), and I really loved having something to watch where I could see how both sides of my personality (the responsible, loving man, and the sexy, impulsive man) play out in various situations. I'm sad that it's over, but it was definitely worth the ride.

If you have Netflix (or if you don't, you can find it online. I did before I had Netflix) and some time to waste, check out Nip/Tuck. Do it for two reasons. One, do it because it's a great show. Two, do it because you'll actually be learning a lot about how I feel about life/love/myself, etc.

There you have it. Nip/Tuck ranks number 3 on my list of Best T.V. Shows of All Time, behind LOST and Prison Break.

So, tell me what you don't like about yourself.

Update

Negative, Ghost Rider.

So, I'm bummed, but not crushed.

Back to the drawing board.

I'm freakin out, man! Well, not really.

So, once again, I got "too busy" for blogging. Which essentially means I was bored out of my mind but found other ways to attempt to occupy myself. No biggie.

Uh, recent events... I started looking for a job, kind of. I'm looking but not looking CRAZY hard. I want to find my own place to live, but I'm also kind of waiting for my gym membership and a few other changes that I've made to start showing some promise. Which, they are. But, I make excuses. A lot.

Other than that, I don't really think too much has happened that's worth note. This blog is more of a plea. A plea directed towards myself. Or, more accurately, a plea directed towards specific attributes that I have.

Bottom line, tomorrow is Monday (Or, today is Monday, since I'm posting this at 3:something AM.) and I'm going to do something that I haven't done in a while. And I'm quite nervous to be doing it. But, I have a feeling that, regardless of the outcome, the act of doing said task will significantly improve my courage and demeanor. Of course, I'm hoping for a favorable return, but I'm prepared for the worst.

So, tomorrow, I need my shyness and my insecurities to take a vacation. Not because the outcome of the entire situation depends on it, but more because it would make my job MUCH easier.

There, I think that was vague enough.

Also, apparently I have a bad habit of flinging WAY too many commas into everything I write. I just went back and took out about 5 of them... Yay for proofreading. There are probably still more unnecessary commas in this post. Sue me.

Possible update later, after said task is completed? With maybe good news? I hope?

Two Thousand Ten: The Year of Transitions

Okay, fine. I'll do an end-of-year wrap up post.

So, briefly, this year blew. Yeah. I said it.

I didn't blog for much of this year and I went ahead and did a "recap" post a while back, talking about the breakup, and moving back in with my folks, and all of that, so I'm not gonna rehash all of it. Suffice it to say that it was an extremely difficult year. And as a result, I grew and changed as a person. Much of 2010 was spent trying to find my place in this world, and I know I'm not the only one who felt this way. I may have made some mistakes in trying to figure that out, but hey. We all screw up from time to time.

Bottom line is this: I had a breakthrough about a week ago.

I've spent much of my adult life hiding behind this shadow of what I can't be. I can't be thin. I can't have short hair. I can't do this. But, you know what? All of that was just an excuse to BE LAZY AND DO NOTHING. I CAN do any of that stuff. It just takes getting off my arse and doing it.

So, 2010 was the Empire Strikes Back of my life. It pretty much SUCKED, as far as what happened during the year. But, at the end of it, I see light on the horizon. I see a way to put myself where I deserve to be. Destiny has finally found me. Or I found it. Or whatever. I'm not saying I'm gonna blow up a Death Star or kill the Emperor or anything. But I am saying that I'm done hiding in my moisture farm on Tattoine. I'm ready to become the man that I'm supposed to be. And it took getting my hand cut off for me to figure it out. Sucky situation, but something that was necessary for me to realize my own potential.

So, here's to the end of a terrible year. And here's to the start of me doing something about it.

Twenty-Eleven, here I come. With a vengence.

December blues

So my cousin James and his wife just had a little baby boy.

I'm super happy for them, but... When is it going to be my turn to be a dad?

Raibh a fhios agat go bhfuil tú fós ar an gcailín ar mo bhrionglóidí?

H-Ween

Yeah, nothing exciting tonight.

Friday and Saturday night I did dress up, however, and attend several parties. Friday was a party at Julie's and we watched Abbot and Costello Meet Frankenstein and played Headbands. My costume won first place! Booya. For pictures, please see mah Facebook.

Saturday night was a movie watchin party at the Murad's. I could only stay for the Rob Zombie Halloween movie. Which wasn't bad. Then it was off to Mark's party, where my costume won for "Most Badass". And we played Battle of the Sexes and Scene it. Then it was off to Leslie and Dustin's party, where we sat around a campfire and just talked about random crap. Most of the random crap being trying to get me to sleep with someone so I could break the first rule of Horror movies. Why they wanted to be attacked by a serial killer while I have sex, I'll never know. Regardless, it didn't happen. I don't wanna get myself chopped up while doin a dirty deed.

Tonight, I did homework and watched the Saints beat the Steelers (Who dat?!). And now I'm freshly out of the shower and ready to do nothing whatsoever till tomorrow.

Also, a tragedy has happened.....

I've had a goatee-ectomy.

Yes, that's right. The two-plus years of growth on my chinny chin chin has now been reduced drastically. I still have a goatee, but its length is severely diminished. Everyone seems to like it better, but I'm still bummed about it. I did it for my Halloween costume, cause you know, I don't know how to half-ass Halloween costumes. So yes, it has been reduced and I immediately regretted it. But who knows. Maybe this'll be what brings the ladies to the door. (Hah.)

Anyway, that's all I got. Happy H-Ween. For those of you who wanted candy, I hope you're securely in a coma. And for those of you who wanted carrots or whatever, I hope I never see you again.

Sincerely,

Shannon "The Less Bearded" Beardenstein