Video Update

Okay, apparently posting the video to the blog a) puts the audio and video out of sync. and b) downgrades the crap out of the quality. So, if I ever do anymore of these videos, I'll put them on YouTube. I'll give you the link to my YouTube channel later. Go to sleep!

Video Post? Maybe?

Let's see if this works, shall we?

"Today was better" or "Resolution"

Wow. So, I woke up today and thought through all the stuff I needed to get done before class tonight and realized that.... I missed the DSY Conference at Drury last Friday... I paid 35 bucks to go to it and it TOTALLY slipped my mind. Are you KIDDING ME?!? That is NOT me...

So, it would be easy to say that my stupidity over the summer and whatnot has caused me to lose brain cells and now I'm permanently dumber. But, frankly, I don't think that's what's up. Work with me here, cause this may be a little far-fetched.

If you've been in contact with me recently, or if you've been keeping up with my blog, you know that I've been going through a rough patch. Well, I've been extremely depressed and/or emotionally compromised. And I totally feel like kids/people who are so overcome with their problems/inadequacies can easily lose track of their duties or obligations. Look at mothers with postpartum depression who forget to FEED THEIR CHILDREN! I'm not saying that it's an adequate excuse. I'm just saying it happens. I have no one to fault but myself, so don't accuse me of trying to escape blame. I'm totally to blame. But I don't think it's because I'm "stupid" or "retarded" or whatever. I think it's because I'm depressed and my mind has been focusing on how much of a bummer everything is.

So, what does this mean? It means that I need to get my head out of my arse and start getting my life back in order. Duh. But how do you do that? That's the tough part. I think, though, that since I'm finally starting to realize that my emotional craptitude is actually affecting my school career, it might be slightly easier for me to start getting better. The last thing I need here is to fail a class or twelve because "I'm lonely". No. I'm not gonna do that. So, that's going to give me a little more resolve to get things back in place. I don't NEED a girlfriend. I don't NEED anything other than me. Well, and my laptop... And my cell phone... And Halo Reach.. And... several other things. But, seriously, I can be happy just being with myself. I did it for YEARS before I found Leah. I was miserable after Meredith and I's falling out, and i was miserable for a long time, but I had gotten my crap together long before Leah came around. And maybe that's why I found Leah. Because I was better emotionally put-together.

So, that's kinda given me a new focus. I'm not saying it's a light switch. Lord knows it's not. But, I have something to shoot for now. Something that I want. Something important. Maybe that'll help.

Anyway, so after I realized that I had forgotten to go to the Conference and, thus, forgotten to write my paper on it, I freaked, called my teacher, left a message, and basically tried to ask her if there was any other assignment I could do in order to make up for it. I told her I was in no way concerned with the $35 that I'm not out, because to me, not failing this class is worth significantly more than getting my money back for the dang DSY Conference. Anyway, she basically said that she'd work with me and we could figure something out. So I talked to her in class and it turns out that someone actually taped the conference and they're going to put it up on the internet and she's going to give me and the other girl who missed the conference a link to watch it and let us turn in out papers the following week. Well, except for me. If you read the post where I pasted the conversation between me and Andrew, you know that she had me redo that paper from a few weeks ago. So I turned that paper back in on Thursday and she read it and apparently graded it but left it at her house tonight. Anyway, she doesn't want me to write the paper over the DSY Conference until I have a chance to read her comments from the other paper first. So, she's going to give me that paper back next Monday and have me write the DSY Conference paper for the following Monday.

I'm seriously grateful that she's allowing me to do this. I normally HATE the idea of getting special favors, whether it be me or anyone else in class. Everyone should be on an equal playing field, and I'm no exception. But, I gotta say, thank goodness that she's being understanding about this. I mean, everyone makes mistakes. I didn't exactly explain to her my reasoning for missing the conference that I just explained to you all, but the bottom line was: Conference was Friday. I missed it. Period. And she's giving me and the other girl who missed leeway. So, I hereby rescind all of the crappy comments I made about her the other day. She's a very understanding and nice lady. Awful teacher. But, nice gal.

Came home. Watched football. Ate steak and potato. Great conversation with the parents. Overall, good night! And now, I'm talking to you all! And at 2 AM, I'll get on ESPN.com and try to pick up some new fantasy football players based on their performance this week. OH! Finally won this week! I was 0-2 in two of my leagues and 1-1 in the other, and I won all three games this week! So, for those of you playing the home game, that means I'm 1-2 in two leagues and 2-1 in another.

Alright, that about does it for this week. Hey. I only have three followers, and I know two of you read this from time to time, and then I gave the address to another special person the other night, but I've been thinking. I have been going through and watching some YouTube stuff from people and a lot of it is just like... the guy sitting in front of his webcam just talking about things that he finds important or exciting or that piss him off or whatever. I'm kinda considering doing something like that. This new laptop has a webcam on it, so I dunno. Do you think it would be more fun/effective/interesting if my giant floating head spoke these posts, or do you prefer not having to look at me and just reading my inane crazy thoughts? Please respond if you feel like it. Cause I personally think it would be kinda cool. I don't know how to publish videos on here, and I may have to resort to a YouTube channel, but I have one and I wouldn't mind doing that, if people would watch from time to time. Anyway. Think about it. It could be cool. And then maybe later on I could get some like editing software and actually make the videos (or vlogs, as the kids call it) look neat. So yeah! I might try recording something after I post this just to see how it goes.

Anyway, you all have a wonderful night, all 3-4 of you. (Especially you.. Yeah, you know who I'm talking to..) I'll catch you on the flip side!

New Shannon

Blarg

So, I was gonna make a post yesterday, but never got around to it. Today i'm in a totally different mindset than I was when I wanted to make the post, so here's what I'ma gonna do. I'm gonna attempt to write what I was feeling yesterday while pretending that I still feel that way. Then, I'm gonna write how I'm feeling today. This will be interesting. Ready? Go.

Part 1

I'm starting to really enjoy this whole "being single" business. It's really nice to be able to go where I want, with who I want to go with, and do whatever I feel like doing, without being restricted. I'm not saying I want it to stay like this forever, but I'm saying that finally, after a year of it, I'm enjoying it. Without going into too much detail, I had a... very interesting Friday night. One that would have been impossible had I had a girlfriend. And when I woke up and drove home the following morning, I kept thinking about how nice it was that I could just... go. be. do whatever. Not have to worry about where the night takes me. Just flow. It was really nice! In more ways than one, obviously.

Part 2

I don't really know if I would have had more to say on that first subject if I'd actually written the thing on Saturday. But today, I feel slightly different. I feel empty. Lonely. Part of this is due to the people I hang around. All of them have significant others. Literally. All of them. They all have someone to go home to. Someone to go out with. Many of them are moving forward in their relationships in different ways. Some of them are just blooming. And here I am. Sure, I have some "prospects" if you choose to call them that, but the fact of the matter is right now, I want to look a girl in her beautiful eyes, smile down at her and say "I love you." And I want to mean it. I want to feel it when she wraps her arms around my neck and says it back. And I can't have that right now. I can't just flip a switch and poof! Girl of my dreams falls into my lap. No amount of fun nights/weekends with random chicks will cause that to just magically happen. I need something real. Something substantial. Something that can last.

Then again, who would have thought my last relationship would have gone for 2 years? It started off as me complementing this hot girl on MySpace/Facebook who had previously flirted with me like once. That turned into a bunch of phone conversations. That turned into a New Years Eve visit. Which turned into something extraordinary. I never expected any of it to happen. I was happy when she kissed me, don't get me wrong. But I honestly didn't figure it would be anything more than a little weekend fling. Boy, was my crystal ball cloudy that day.

So, based on that logic, any of these little random flings could develop into something special.. But I just don't see how. When it happened before, it was like the perfect storm of scenarios. We were both in the EXACT right place for something to happen. And they say lightning won't strike the same place twice. Which is why I'm skeptical,

So, yeah. That's pretty much all I have to say. Today wasn't a bad day. Just a blah, bummer, reality check day. It's been a whole year, and I've only met a handful of people who I feel I could really have something special with. And none (to my knowledge) of them want anything more with me than either a cuddle buddy, or friend with benefits, or just friends. I know, I know. Take my own advice. Just cool it. Just relax, enjoy learning about yourself, don't worry about it. It'll happen eventually. But eventually does NOT help me right now. Right now, when all I want in this whole world is to give my heart to someone who will appreciate it for what it is. Who will treat it with care, and who will smile at me when I hold the door open for her.

Sigh.

In other news, go see Easy A. It's a really funny movie.

New Shannon

:( My poor baby.

So, I took my baby to the vet today. I noticed a weird sore looking thing on her ear yesterday and I had no idea what it was, so, naturally, i freaked out. And the vet my parents use had no openings today, so I decided to ask Rachthony which vet they use and I made an appointment. Gabrielle has been to a vet maybe once in her life, which in my opinion is about 5 to 10 times two few for a 4 year old cat.

So, she got weighed, 11 pounds, which is actually pretty good. And her temp was like 110, which is normal. And the vet checked her breathing and heart and muscles and organs and whatnot, and everything was good. She got her Rabies and Distemper shots, and she's getting tested for ringworm, which is what the vet thought the sore on her ear was. And he gave me some medicine to put on the ear to treat ringworm, if it turns out that it is, in fact, ringworm. He also recommended Frontline or Capstar for her fleas. I'm leaning toward Capstar, since I am wary of putting pesticides directly on her fur. I've seen pics on the interwebs of cats with large bald spots on their backs from those type of liquid flea meds. And, you know me, I'm a HUGE worry wart. So, I'd rather do Capstar, which is a pill.

So, bottom line, I spent $110 bucks on a vet visit for my cat, all of which would have been totally unnecessarily if MY DANG DAD WOULD STEP LETTING THE DANG CATS GO IN THE DANG BACKYARD!!!!!! So, as far as I'm concerned, dear old Dad owes me a hundred bucks. But.... Seeing as how he, I dunno, raised me and paid for almost every meal I've ever eaten, I suppose I'll let it slide...

Other than that, today has been spent watching YouTube crap. I'm not kiddin ya. I almost don't need a tv anymore. It if weren't for vidya games, I'd seriously sell the dang thing.

I've never gotten all serious about blogging before, but if ya want, I can post some pics of the kitty kitty. If I can figure it out. Okay, here I go.

Yay! I think I did it! So, that's mah girl. And once we get her ear taken care of, she'll be right as rain. Hm, Now that I've learned how to put pics on here, my blogs will probably get MUCH more annoying. Alright, that's all for now. I may be going to BDubs with Jason, Jason, and Tim Roark in like a half hour.

Till next time, remember to get your pets spayed or neutered.

New Shannon

Transitions

Waiting for the end to come / wishing I had strength to stand

This was not what I had planned

It's out of my control

Flying at the speed of light / thoughts were spinning in my head

So many things were left unsaid

It's hard to let you go

I know what it takes to move on

I know how it feels to lie

All I want to do is trade this life for something new

Holding on to what I haven't got

Sitting in an empty room / Trying to forget the past

This was never meant to last

I wish it wasn't so

What was left when that fire was gone

I thought it felt right but that right was wrong

All caught up in the eye of the storm

And trying to figure out what it's like moving on

And I don't even know what kind of things I said

My mouth kept moving and my mind went dead so

Picking up the pieces now where to begin

The hardest part of ending is starting again

Thanks again, Linkin Park.

Every time you come out with a new record, there's at least one song if not more that totally fits with what's going on in my life at the time.

Right now, I'm teetering on this transition between Old and New, and the end of one thing and the possible start of another.

So, I don't wanna get my hopes up too badly, but.......

I've met someone.

No clue if anything'll come from it yet. Way too soon to tell. But, regardless of it anything comes from it or not, she and I are definitely gonna become good friends. She's extremely sweet, and we seem to have a lot in common.

You know that depression I was talking about from breakup/no job/moving back in with my folks/no friends? Well, turns out she has been going through the EXACT same thing. I'm not saying that means we're soulmates or anything, but who better to talk to about it than someone who knows what I went through?

What else? Well, she's a tiny little blonde girl. 2 years older than me. Gorgeous. AND she thinks I'm good looking!!! What?!? Yeah, I know! She even likes the hair!! She said "yeah, you could even grow it out longer if you wanted. I like it!"

I'm having a really hard time not getting my hopes up about it, though. The last thing I want to do is get all excited about this girl and then it not work out. That would devastate me, and considering my current state of mind, that would not be a good thing. So I'm trying to not get too optimistic about it.

Why? Why not just jump for joy? Well, she told me she's also transitioning. Trying to figure out what to do with her life. So, she doesn't want to be in any sort of serious relationship while she's trying to get her own crap together. Which I get. I totally understand that. I am just recently ready to start something, so I know how it feels to just not be there yet. So, I understand, but it's still a bummer. But, here's the upside.

She told me she wants to get to meet my friends and she also wants to introduce me to her friends. I dunno, maybe it's just me, but I wouldn't go out of my way to meet the friends of someone that I wasn't really interested in, you know? And I also wouldn't go out of my way to get my friends to meet them. So it's like she's saying she doesn't want anything to happen, but she's acting somewhat differently. Which could mean she is just an extremely social person, or it could mean that she's interested in me and doesn't know how to handle the whole "transition period, should i date or not" thing.

So, I dunno. I'm trying to keep grounded, but inside I'm like leaping up and down frantically. I need to cool it. Like I said, if I'm all excited about things, and then they don't work, it could be bad news bears.

So, anywho. Not gonna see her again till Tuesday, which ought to be plenty of time for me to get the adrenaline of "possible new girl" out of my system.

I'll update later on.

Till next time.

New Shannon

You know, some times, I surprise myself.

I'm beginning to like New Shannon more and more.

I used to think Old Shannon was a hyper-rational guy. He thought things through and tried to make the best choices, but I'm kind of learning that maybe that's easier than he was making it out to be.

Today, New Shannon encountered something he didn't think he would, at least for a long time, and I think he reacted pretty well to it. And it didn't take a lot of effort, really. Just sort of flowed out. There was some initial shock and "oh wow, what should i do?" but that quickly dissipated and I was left with a feeling of "You know, this is okay. This is good. This is what I want."

I think I used to be "rational" but at the expense of being WAY more uptight than I realized that I was. New Shannon is a lot more laid back and relaxed than Old Shannon.

This new guy has some pretty good qualities. I'm excited to learn more about them.

Thank you. ;)