Blarg

So, I was gonna make a post yesterday, but never got around to it. Today i'm in a totally different mindset than I was when I wanted to make the post, so here's what I'ma gonna do. I'm gonna attempt to write what I was feeling yesterday while pretending that I still feel that way. Then, I'm gonna write how I'm feeling today. This will be interesting. Ready? Go.

Part 1

I'm starting to really enjoy this whole "being single" business. It's really nice to be able to go where I want, with who I want to go with, and do whatever I feel like doing, without being restricted. I'm not saying I want it to stay like this forever, but I'm saying that finally, after a year of it, I'm enjoying it. Without going into too much detail, I had a... very interesting Friday night. One that would have been impossible had I had a girlfriend. And when I woke up and drove home the following morning, I kept thinking about how nice it was that I could just... go. be. do whatever. Not have to worry about where the night takes me. Just flow. It was really nice! In more ways than one, obviously.

Part 2

I don't really know if I would have had more to say on that first subject if I'd actually written the thing on Saturday. But today, I feel slightly different. I feel empty. Lonely. Part of this is due to the people I hang around. All of them have significant others. Literally. All of them. They all have someone to go home to. Someone to go out with. Many of them are moving forward in their relationships in different ways. Some of them are just blooming. And here I am. Sure, I have some "prospects" if you choose to call them that, but the fact of the matter is right now, I want to look a girl in her beautiful eyes, smile down at her and say "I love you." And I want to mean it. I want to feel it when she wraps her arms around my neck and says it back. And I can't have that right now. I can't just flip a switch and poof! Girl of my dreams falls into my lap. No amount of fun nights/weekends with random chicks will cause that to just magically happen. I need something real. Something substantial. Something that can last.

Then again, who would have thought my last relationship would have gone for 2 years? It started off as me complementing this hot girl on MySpace/Facebook who had previously flirted with me like once. That turned into a bunch of phone conversations. That turned into a New Years Eve visit. Which turned into something extraordinary. I never expected any of it to happen. I was happy when she kissed me, don't get me wrong. But I honestly didn't figure it would be anything more than a little weekend fling. Boy, was my crystal ball cloudy that day.

So, based on that logic, any of these little random flings could develop into something special.. But I just don't see how. When it happened before, it was like the perfect storm of scenarios. We were both in the EXACT right place for something to happen. And they say lightning won't strike the same place twice. Which is why I'm skeptical,

So, yeah. That's pretty much all I have to say. Today wasn't a bad day. Just a blah, bummer, reality check day. It's been a whole year, and I've only met a handful of people who I feel I could really have something special with. And none (to my knowledge) of them want anything more with me than either a cuddle buddy, or friend with benefits, or just friends. I know, I know. Take my own advice. Just cool it. Just relax, enjoy learning about yourself, don't worry about it. It'll happen eventually. But eventually does NOT help me right now. Right now, when all I want in this whole world is to give my heart to someone who will appreciate it for what it is. Who will treat it with care, and who will smile at me when I hold the door open for her.

Sigh.

In other news, go see Easy A. It's a really funny movie.

New Shannon