This was not what I had planned
It's out of my control
Flying at the speed of light / thoughts were spinning in my head
So many things were left unsaid
It's hard to let you go
I know what it takes to move on
I know how it feels to lie
All I want to do is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what I haven't got
Sitting in an empty room / Trying to forget the past
This was never meant to last
I wish it wasn't so
What was left when that fire was gone
I thought it felt right but that right was wrong
All caught up in the eye of the storm
And trying to figure out what it's like moving on
And I don't even know what kind of things I said
My mouth kept moving and my mind went dead so
Picking up the pieces now where to begin
The hardest part of ending is starting again
Thanks again, Linkin Park.
Every time you come out with a new record, there's at least one song if not more that totally fits with what's going on in my life at the time.
Right now, I'm teetering on this transition between Old and New, and the end of one thing and the possible start of another.
So, I don't wanna get my hopes up too badly, but.......
I've met someone.
No clue if anything'll come from it yet. Way too soon to tell. But, regardless of it anything comes from it or not, she and I are definitely gonna become good friends. She's extremely sweet, and we seem to have a lot in common.
You know that depression I was talking about from breakup/no job/moving back in with my folks/no friends? Well, turns out she has been going through the EXACT same thing. I'm not saying that means we're soulmates or anything, but who better to talk to about it than someone who knows what I went through?
What else? Well, she's a tiny little blonde girl. 2 years older than me. Gorgeous. AND she thinks I'm good looking!!! What?!? Yeah, I know! She even likes the hair!! She said "yeah, you could even grow it out longer if you wanted. I like it!"
I'm having a really hard time not getting my hopes up about it, though. The last thing I want to do is get all excited about this girl and then it not work out. That would devastate me, and considering my current state of mind, that would not be a good thing. So I'm trying to not get too optimistic about it.
Why? Why not just jump for joy? Well, she told me she's also transitioning. Trying to figure out what to do with her life. So, she doesn't want to be in any sort of serious relationship while she's trying to get her own crap together. Which I get. I totally understand that. I am just recently ready to start something, so I know how it feels to just not be there yet. So, I understand, but it's still a bummer. But, here's the upside.
She told me she wants to get to meet my friends and she also wants to introduce me to her friends. I dunno, maybe it's just me, but I wouldn't go out of my way to meet the friends of someone that I wasn't really interested in, you know? And I also wouldn't go out of my way to get my friends to meet them. So it's like she's saying she doesn't want anything to happen, but she's acting somewhat differently. Which could mean she is just an extremely social person, or it could mean that she's interested in me and doesn't know how to handle the whole "transition period, should i date or not" thing.
So, I dunno. I'm trying to keep grounded, but inside I'm like leaping up and down frantically. I need to cool it. Like I said, if I'm all excited about things, and then they don't work, it could be bad news bears.
So, anywho. Not gonna see her again till Tuesday, which ought to be plenty of time for me to get the adrenaline of "possible new girl" out of my system.
I'll update later on.
Till next time.
New Shannon
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