I don't apologize for anything I said or mentioned in my previous blog. I warned in my initial blog that this would be a place of ranting and self-expression. When the rest of the world tells me to shut up or demands that I not talk about something, I'm going to come here. That's why I made this blog.
I made sure not to mention names of people or, other than my tirade about my ex, specific instances. The purpose of what I wrote was venting. I needed to get it off my chest, my friends are mostly jerks and don't care about me, and the person who I normally turn to didn't want to hear any of this. So, I wrote a blog about it. And frankly, I'm glad I did, because I felt better after getting it off my chest.
The last thing I'll say about it is this: If anything you read here offends you for some reason or another, you need to either think about the reasons why it offends you and decide who is really in the wrong here, OR you need to stop reading and go away. 'Nuff said.
Now, I'm gonna go visit my parents. Cause they're awesome. And I love them. Bye.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Monday, August 3, 2009
Numero Tres
Some things hit you harder than others.
For the last week or so, I've been housesitting and dogsitting for my friends. They have an awesome lab mix named Bella, and we became great friends. Overall, I had a really good time over there. I enjoyed the solitude, and the freedom, and the company of Bella. I'd basically lay around on the couch with the dog and watch movies the whole time. Pretty awesome, in my opinion.
Well, yesterday, I get on facebook, and I see that my ex girlfriend, the one that I dated for like 4 or so years, the one who I was convinced was "the one", the one who made me consider seeking counseling due to my grief after we broke up, is now engaged to her boyfriend of 2 or 3 years. Now, this isn't really THAT surprising. They have been dating for some time now, and her younger sister just got engaged, so she probably felt that it needed to happen and began pressuring the guy (I don't know that this happened, but she's the type who would try it). Regardless of whether or not this news was surprising, it hit me very hard. I was glued to the computer for about 20 minutes. Tears streamed down my face like hot rivers.
Don't get me wrong. I'm totally happy with my current relationship. I love her. I intend to marry her and have a life with her. But, there's just something about the knowledge of my ex best friend, ex girlfriend, ex "The One" candidate getting engaged.... It's like, even though I'd never CONSCIOUSLY wish it, the part of my brain that thought there could be a tiny chance of reuniting with her again in the future just died. The realization that I'll NEVER be with her again was a little overwhelming. And then, the realization that I subconsciously wanted that to happen hit me, like aftershocks, and made me feel even worse. "I thought I was over her.. Why would I be upset about her being engaged? Did I still want to end up with her?"
I guess the bottom line here is that, as of now, I'm more or less okay. I'm reaching acceptance. But the fact of the matter is, through the course of your life, you meet people who greatly affect you. Could be a mentor, or father figure, or friend, or significant other. These people have strong impacts on your life. They help shape who you are as a person. This girl, despite how the relationship ended, was one of those people. And, even though we haven't spoken in years, the fact that she's now engaged means that there is absolutely no chance of my ever coming into contact with her again. That's a jagged pill to swallow.
But I'll pull myself through this. And I'm going to be honest about my feelings with anyone who asks me. I just hope that my feelings don't alienate my current girlfriend, or make her feel any less significant. Because she is significant. She's more important that she realizes, to be sure. There's a place in my heart reserved only for her. And I hope that she can realize that there are places in my heart reserved for all of those individuals who helped me become who I am. I will never forget those people, even if they did hurt me from time to time.
Oh, and also, my father got some blood work done. He had been experiencing some weakness and fatigue. Turns out, he's anemic. The doctors haven't discerned the cause, as of yet, but they are working on it. I'm not going to worry about it at this point, though. There's no point. There are quite a few things that could be wrong, some of them not so bad, some of them horrifying. Regardless, I refuse to dwell on it until I know what the issue is. Besides, I've got enough on my plate, seeing as how I have to sort through the ex girlfriend engagement thing.
Anyway. I think thats about all I have. GF is in Texas with some family. I'm fairly sure that this is the part of her family that likes me the most. So, I'm all for her spending time with them. Don't have to worry about being badmouthed without the opportunity to defend myself.
Oh, and my friends made it back tonight, after a truly ridiculous process due to the Airline Industry. They lost their luggage in Chicago, but at least they are here and alive. So now I'm back at my apartment. Yippie. Hopefully this place won't make me sick again. Oh yeah, I never told that story. We'll that's another one.. For another time.. This has been Shannon, with Shannon Rant Numero Tres. Thanks for listening.
For the last week or so, I've been housesitting and dogsitting for my friends. They have an awesome lab mix named Bella, and we became great friends. Overall, I had a really good time over there. I enjoyed the solitude, and the freedom, and the company of Bella. I'd basically lay around on the couch with the dog and watch movies the whole time. Pretty awesome, in my opinion.
Well, yesterday, I get on facebook, and I see that my ex girlfriend, the one that I dated for like 4 or so years, the one who I was convinced was "the one", the one who made me consider seeking counseling due to my grief after we broke up, is now engaged to her boyfriend of 2 or 3 years. Now, this isn't really THAT surprising. They have been dating for some time now, and her younger sister just got engaged, so she probably felt that it needed to happen and began pressuring the guy (I don't know that this happened, but she's the type who would try it). Regardless of whether or not this news was surprising, it hit me very hard. I was glued to the computer for about 20 minutes. Tears streamed down my face like hot rivers.
Don't get me wrong. I'm totally happy with my current relationship. I love her. I intend to marry her and have a life with her. But, there's just something about the knowledge of my ex best friend, ex girlfriend, ex "The One" candidate getting engaged.... It's like, even though I'd never CONSCIOUSLY wish it, the part of my brain that thought there could be a tiny chance of reuniting with her again in the future just died. The realization that I'll NEVER be with her again was a little overwhelming. And then, the realization that I subconsciously wanted that to happen hit me, like aftershocks, and made me feel even worse. "I thought I was over her.. Why would I be upset about her being engaged? Did I still want to end up with her?"
I guess the bottom line here is that, as of now, I'm more or less okay. I'm reaching acceptance. But the fact of the matter is, through the course of your life, you meet people who greatly affect you. Could be a mentor, or father figure, or friend, or significant other. These people have strong impacts on your life. They help shape who you are as a person. This girl, despite how the relationship ended, was one of those people. And, even though we haven't spoken in years, the fact that she's now engaged means that there is absolutely no chance of my ever coming into contact with her again. That's a jagged pill to swallow.
But I'll pull myself through this. And I'm going to be honest about my feelings with anyone who asks me. I just hope that my feelings don't alienate my current girlfriend, or make her feel any less significant. Because she is significant. She's more important that she realizes, to be sure. There's a place in my heart reserved only for her. And I hope that she can realize that there are places in my heart reserved for all of those individuals who helped me become who I am. I will never forget those people, even if they did hurt me from time to time.
Oh, and also, my father got some blood work done. He had been experiencing some weakness and fatigue. Turns out, he's anemic. The doctors haven't discerned the cause, as of yet, but they are working on it. I'm not going to worry about it at this point, though. There's no point. There are quite a few things that could be wrong, some of them not so bad, some of them horrifying. Regardless, I refuse to dwell on it until I know what the issue is. Besides, I've got enough on my plate, seeing as how I have to sort through the ex girlfriend engagement thing.
Anyway. I think thats about all I have. GF is in Texas with some family. I'm fairly sure that this is the part of her family that likes me the most. So, I'm all for her spending time with them. Don't have to worry about being badmouthed without the opportunity to defend myself.
Oh, and my friends made it back tonight, after a truly ridiculous process due to the Airline Industry. They lost their luggage in Chicago, but at least they are here and alive. So now I'm back at my apartment. Yippie. Hopefully this place won't make me sick again. Oh yeah, I never told that story. We'll that's another one.. For another time.. This has been Shannon, with Shannon Rant Numero Tres. Thanks for listening.
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