Roses

So, recently, things hadn't been so peachy with the girlf and I. So, we had a couple of sit down conversations about things that both of us could work on and whether or not, honestly, we wanted to put forth the effort needed to make "us" work or whether we'd rather just say "hey, we gave it a good run" and walk away. And we decided to work on it.

The fruits of that decision are as follows: The best Monday of my entire life. She came to town Sunday night while I was working. We went to Walmart and did some shopping, then picked up my Christmas decorations at my folks' place, came back and decorated till 2 am. Then, Monday, I had to work at 4, so we hung around and just goofed around with each other, laughing and whatnot. Then, after work, we went to my folk's place to watch the Saints beat up on the Giants. And after that, we came back to my apartment. And, the next day, we watched an episode of LOST and she went to work.

Nothing all that monumental happened, but we finally stopped rushing around and going nuts long enough to smell the roses and actually enjoy one another. Conversation, smiles, laughs, cuddles.

This isn't a "Ooh, look at me. I'm happy" post. Not entirely, anyway. It's also to say that, WAY too often, we (meaning I, but probably more than just me) let school/work/obligations interfere with the things that we will actually look back on in 40 years with warmth in our hearts and fond memories in our minds. And, I finally stopped thinking of my life as a work in progress and gave myself one day to enjoy what it would feel like if THIS was the finished product of my life. I smelled the roses and I loved what I smelled.

As a whole, I think people need to do this. I think people need to do their jobs and make ends meet to provide for their families, but I think that people need to also put WAY more focus on that family. On their friends. Because, not to be morbid, but when you're lying on your death bed, how many hours a week you worked, or if you got a Master's degree isn't what you'll be replaying through your head. You'll be thinking of those cherished moments with your guys. Or your gals. Or that special someone. Or your parents. Or kids. Or whatever. THOSE are the moments we need to pay attention to.

If you are capable of putting a roof over your head and food on your table, fantastic. Stop worrying about petty day-to-day crap. Start taking inventory of who matters in your life. The people who love you and the people who try to make you smile. And start realizing that THEY are the focus of your life. THEY are the ones who make it all worthwhile. Otherwise, we become empty shells who work meaningless jobs, totally alone.

Okay, rant almost over. My bottom line is that life is short. And we should take more time out of our busy schedules to enjoy the people who bless us with their attention and their presence. Because those are the people that matter.

Alright, one last blurb about my life. I've never claimed to be Prince Charming or anything like that, but I have claimed that I would do anything I could to treat my girl like a Princess. And it's absolutely mindblowingly amazing that I've found someone who appreciates me and realizes that, while I might not be the perfect handsome prince, I'm a damn good guy.

Alright, had to get that off my chest. It's late, and I have a lot of homework to do before class tomorrow. Hope all is well in internet land.

OH! One last thing. I may be trying my hand at a new nerdly endeavor. I have a friend who thinks he can help me hook up my lappy to my tv so I can record myself playing video games. And then I'd record the game audio with audio from myself, and maybe do like talking walkthroughs of games, or just play throughs where I commentate on what's going on. So that the audience can get reaction shots of me when I die or whatever. Anyway, lots of folks on YouTube do it, and I would love to give it a go. I've been told that my outburts during video games can be quite entertaining, so if I can get the right equipment, I hope that you guys will check them out. I'll post on here when I have something to show for it on my YouTube channel.

I love that I'm talking to "you guys" as if anyone actually reads this blog. Lawl! Alright, I'm outtie 5000.

Ch-ch-changes

So, I have my job at Domino's. I have a new one bedroom apartment. I have a couple of great friends. And I have a girlfriend.

So, shouldn't I be the happiest guy around?

Well, I'm not. I can't really put my finger on why... I love the job. And I love my apartment. It gets lonely from time to time, but nothing as depressing as the summer I moved back in with my parents. My friends are either really great or nonexistent, but typically not because they want to be. Sometimes people get busy, and I get that. And when they do have time, we have great fun.

That leaves the girlfriend. I don't think that's the problem either. Sure, we run into our share of issues, and we've only been dating 3 months, but for the most part, things feel pretty good. I'm confident that she really cares for me and would never deliberately hurt me.

So, there's a twinge of depression and emptiness that I still feel that I can't quite identify right now. But I have a theory..

I haven't let myself just BE. Ever. I've always been a work in progress. I'm always improving something. And for the last two years, that's been my Masters degree. I'm working toward becoming a high school or college teacher. Something related to the field that I enjoyed studying and also something that would theoretically allow me to make enough money to provide for myself and my future family. However...

If I'm totally honest with myself, I'm happy right now. I have a job at Domino's that pays my rent, my utilities, my food costs, and everything else I need to pay. Yeah, I'm not rolling in money, and I wouldn't be able to support, say, a child, but for who I am and the place I'm at, I'm comfortable.

I'm not saying I don't want to move on to bigger and better things later. I'm just saying that the fact that I'm in a state of improvement means that I can't just relax and sit back and enjoy the life I'm living, because I see it all as temporary.

I have friends who are open books. The life that you see them in is the life that they will have for, barring some midlife crisis, the duration. And they are able to enjoy adulthood. They wake up each day and live the lives that they have created for themselves. I can't do that. I wake up each day and feel like "Well, I'm forced to do this other thing because I've put so much time into it, even though I'm perfectly happy and content where I am". It's depressing to think that no matter how happy I am right now, I will HAVE to change things in order to get anything out of all this time and money I've spent (wasted?) for the past 7 years.

Anyway, I think that's why I'm so down in the dumps. And I think I've been taking it out on people who mean the world to me. So, I'm going to try to stop that and be a better man. But I also need to sit and take an inventory of what I really see for my future. Maybe that way, I can get myself back on track.

Anyways, in short term news, this has been the best weekend I've had in quite some time now. Friday, I worked. Saturday, I worked and then got to go see The Blanks, or Ted's a capella group from Scrubs, and meet them and get their CD signed. Today, I worked, and watched some football. My Saints won. My biggest rival in fantasy football lost. and unless Matt Forte scores 23 points tomorrow, I stand a great chance of winning my fantasy football. Which would be incredible, since the guy I'm playing is currently undefeated. Cross your fingers!

Tomorrow, I get to relax till 4, when I go to work. Maybe I'll get off in time to watch the game. If not, it's cool. I like working with these people. It's good times.

Alright. I'm off to read a bit before bed. Peace out!

Shamalamadingdong.