H-Ween

Yeah, nothing exciting tonight.

Friday and Saturday night I did dress up, however, and attend several parties. Friday was a party at Julie's and we watched Abbot and Costello Meet Frankenstein and played Headbands. My costume won first place! Booya. For pictures, please see mah Facebook.

Saturday night was a movie watchin party at the Murad's. I could only stay for the Rob Zombie Halloween movie. Which wasn't bad. Then it was off to Mark's party, where my costume won for "Most Badass". And we played Battle of the Sexes and Scene it. Then it was off to Leslie and Dustin's party, where we sat around a campfire and just talked about random crap. Most of the random crap being trying to get me to sleep with someone so I could break the first rule of Horror movies. Why they wanted to be attacked by a serial killer while I have sex, I'll never know. Regardless, it didn't happen. I don't wanna get myself chopped up while doin a dirty deed.

Tonight, I did homework and watched the Saints beat the Steelers (Who dat?!). And now I'm freshly out of the shower and ready to do nothing whatsoever till tomorrow.

Also, a tragedy has happened.....

I've had a goatee-ectomy.

Yes, that's right. The two-plus years of growth on my chinny chin chin has now been reduced drastically. I still have a goatee, but its length is severely diminished. Everyone seems to like it better, but I'm still bummed about it. I did it for my Halloween costume, cause you know, I don't know how to half-ass Halloween costumes. So yes, it has been reduced and I immediately regretted it. But who knows. Maybe this'll be what brings the ladies to the door. (Hah.)

Anyway, that's all I got. Happy H-Ween. For those of you who wanted candy, I hope you're securely in a coma. And for those of you who wanted carrots or whatever, I hope I never see you again.

Sincerely,

Shannon "The Less Bearded" Beardenstein

Just a Dream

I was thinkin about her, thinkin about me.
Thinkin about us, what we gonna be?
Open my eyes, yeah; it was only just a dream.
So I travel back, down that road.
Who she come back? No one knows.
I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream.

I was at the top and I was like I’m at the basement.
Number one spot and now she found her a replacement.
I swear now I can't take it, knowing somebody's got my baby.
And now you ain't around, baby I can't think.
Shoulda put it down. Shoulda got that ring.
Cuz I can still feel it in the air.
See her pretty face run my fingers through her hair.

My lover, my life. My shorty, my wife.
She left me, I'm tied.
Cuz I knew that it just ain't right.

I was thinkin about her, thinkin about me.
Thinkin about us, what we gonna be?
Open my eyes, yeah; it was only just a dream.
So I travel back, down that road.
Who she come back? No one knows.
I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream.

When I be ridin man I swear I see her face at every turn.
Tryin to get my usher over, I can let it burn.
And I just hope she notice she the only one I yearn for.
Oh I miss her when will I learn?

Didn't give her all my love, I guess now I got my payback.
Now I'm in the club thinkin all about my baby.

Hey, she was so easy to love. But wait, I guess that love wasn't enough.

I'm goin through it every time that I'm alone.
And now i'm missin, wishin she'd pick up the phone.
But she made a decision that she wanted to move one.
Cuz I was wrong.

And I was thinkin about her, thinkin about me.
Thinkin about us, what we gonna be?
Open my eyes, yeah; it was only just a dream.
So I travel back, down that road.
Who she come back? No one knows.
I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream.

If you ever loved somebody put your hands up.
If you ever loved somebody put your hands up.
And now they're gone and you wish you could give them everything.
I said, if you ever loved somebody put your hands up.
If you ever loved somebody put your hands up.
And now they're gone and you wish you could give them everything.

I was thinkin about her, thinkin about me.
Thinkin about us, what we gonna be?
Open my eyes, yeah; it was only just a dream.
So I travel back, down that road.
Who she come back? No one knows.
I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream.

And I was thinkin about her, thinkin about me.
Thinkin about us, what we gonna be?
Open my eyes, yeah; it was only just a dream.
So I travel back, down that road.
Who she come back? No one knows.
I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream.

Stupid Nervous Boy

So, remember the other day where I was all convinced that things with the current girl might not happen? Well now I'm confused again. For all intents and purposes, tonight was a great night! A minor mishap, but other than that, pretty good. The minor mishap was something that I was SURE was a dealbreaker and I ruined everything, but after consulting with a few other people, they have assured me that I didn't screw anything up and that I did the only thing I really could have done considering the situation.

So, this really means a whole lot of nothing. I'm right back where I was before I had my "this isn't happening" mini-breakdown. But, I was told to focus on the positives from the evening rather than overanalyze the one botched scene from the night. Which is tough. My middle name is Analysis. And my other middle name is Over. So, it's not easy, but I'm going to try to focus on the fun, the laughing, the smiles. And there were a lot of those things!

So, I dunno. Do I think she and I are actually gonna become "significant"? I don't know. It'll take time. She has some major barriers that need to come down first. But, I've got nothin but time. So, we shall see. I'm definitely NOT convinced that it WON'T happen, though. Which is an improvement over my last blog.

In other news, I've suddenly become a Lil Wayne fan... Yes, that's right. I'm a neohippie who likes a rapper. Sue me. Or, don't. I ain't got no money.

New Shannon, who has started looking a lot like Old Shannon recently? Question mark?

Back to Reality

So, I tricked myself.

I allowed myself to get overly optimistic about something/someone. I knew all along that it was a doubtful situation, but I still let myself think "wow, this actually might happen! this is awesome!" when I had been told all along that in all likelihood it wouldn't.

That's not to say that it's impossible. I just have my doubts back. I'm gonna focus less on "her" and making a "relationship" happen and focus more on "me" and "having fun".

However, all these emotions and "the thrill of the chase" have put my mind and my heart back where they have been for the past few years. Again, I don't need anyone to remind me that what's done is done and that the past is the past and that things that are over are definitely over, but it doesn't hurt to dream, does it?

Sometimes I daydream that one day I can have my old life back. Well, I don't really want ALL of my old life. Just one or two major things. Facebook keeps showing me "photo memories" and it's like man... I'd give almost anything to have that again. Things were flawed, sure, but I had finally found someone who understood who I was. And who, for the most part, actually appreciated me, flaws and all. Got my jokes, or at least laughed at them. And I genuinely understood her. And I appreciated every single inch of her personality, even the bad parts. And I didn't care that sometimes things got raw. I didn't care that sometimes tempers flared or phones were thrown across a room. I STILL felt love. Passion. Reality. I dunno. Again, I know it's never gonna happen. Naive Shannon is dead. But, sometimes I wish I could be dumb enough to hope for it.

I'd rather have that, that flawed, sometimes painful, but REAL thing, rather than this sort of flaccid, lukewarm thing I had been working toward.

So, maybe this is for the best. I'm not gonna say that I don't have any feelings for the girl I've been courting recently. But I am gonna say that it feels like I'm the only one saying sweet nothings, and I just can't handle that. I need a girl who can be sweet and charming right back at me. And I had one, once.

Anyway, no, I'm not uber depressed or anything again. Just looking back on the last few years of my life with fondness and longing.

If you're reading this, odds are, I miss you.

Um. Awkward.

It's a small world after all. It's a small small small small world.

Sewiously.

So, I love my life. I really do. But geez, it would be kinda nice if weird stuff would kinda back the eff off and let me be for a while.

Can't elaborate for fear of people getting wind of this blog and being upset that I wrote about it. Also, not gonna mention any details on my YouTube channel (conveniently located at www.youtube.com/shanparn37) because I want as many subscribers as I can get, and I'd rather not put ridiculously incriminating evidence on there. You know, until I get famous and can get away with it. Suffice it to say that Springfield is a very small town and everyone knows everyone. Remember "six degrees of separation?" Well, make that like... one or two degrees. And add "supa awkward" and you get my evening tonight.

Wow.

Anyway, enough of that. Go to my channel! Subscribe! Leave some comments, please! Tell me about your most awkward moments. :) Good night, blogosphere.

New Shannon